Outbursts of Anger & Nerves: Yet there is a solution!

“My name is Aphrodite and I’m 28 years old. My life goes on at a fast pace experiencing intense stress for most of the day. However, the problem is not in managing my stress, but in managing my anger. I get angry easily. If and it passes quickly, I recognize that it is a problem in many areas of my life. For example, I can go out of my way with my partner if I see that he does not understand me in a topic of discussion. What can I do? “

All of us – some more, some less – have felt “blood rushing to our heads”, “our pressure hitting red”, “ourselves coming out of ourselves and clothes” every time our child ignores us and he does not go to tidy his room, every time we feel that our partner does not understand our needs, every time he catches a traffic light and we are late for work …

Science calls this state “anger.” But what is anger?

Anger is an intense emotion, usually caused by some disturbance, insult or denial. It is customary for society to advocate the principle that the expression of anger is an uncivilized trait of a human being and that maintaining composure is a virtue. The truth is somewhere in the middle. Anger must be externalized as its accumulation can lead e.g. in larger outbursts, in psychosomatic symptoms, etc., however, the focus is on how to express and manage anger. It is very important to realize that anger – in one way or another – affects both us and those around us, therefore, its proper management is necessary.

What we can do, for example:

1. Relaxation techniques: The beginning is done with various relaxation techniques, such as deep breaths exhaling slowly (always maintaining a steady rhythm), tightening and relaxing the fist or lower limbs (etc.) and all this counting to 10 (or even better continuing for the next ten minutes). Perhaps by bringing to mind an image that calms us and creates beautiful and positive emotions, we contribute to our relaxation.
2. One more minute: let’s give ourselves (and our interlocutor) some time to think. When we feel out of control, let’s make the choice to leave the room. This does not mean that we will completely avoid the issue that arose, but when we feel relaxed we will return with a clearer mind. During this time we will have time to clear our minds of negative thoughts, but also to relax our reactions, as anger is usually externalized with behaviors that stimulate the aggression of the interlocutor.
3. The source of evil: It is very important to look for the deeper causes of our anger. The reality is not that e.g. my partner is not thinking about my needs, but for more essential reasons. We have to ask ourselves if the situation itself is problematic and it has to end or if we want to have it all under control, or if we have gaps from the past and so on. There must be an end to all this.
4. Η καθημερινότητα είναι η μισή αρχοντιά. Μία καθημερινότητα η οποία κυλάει σε γρήγορους ρυθμούς προκαλώντας έντονο άγχος, οδηγεί σε αύξηση των εκρήξεων θυμού. Ας δοκιμάσουμε:

– Γιόγκα, τζόκινγκ, και γενικά όποιο είδος σωματικής άσκησης μας εκτονώνει και μας χαλαρώνει

-Συζητήσεις με φίλους και κοντινά πρόσωπα, ώστε να εξωτερικεύσουμε τα συναισθήματά μας

-Συζητήσεις με τον εαυτό μας, διαλογισμό, ο, τιδήποτε οδηγεί στην αυτο-βελτίωσή μας και μας χαλαρώνει

-Εναλλακτικές λύσεις στα προβλήματα μας, όπως π.χ. “Αφού με εκνευρίζει το ότι ο σύντροφός μου δεν έρχεται ποτέ την ώρα που λέει για να με πάρει, θα αρχίσω να ετοιμάζομαι αργότερα για να μην τον περιμένω”.

Αν ο αυτο-έλεγχος συνεχίζει να απουσιάζει, η επίσκεψη σε κάποιον ειδικό θα ήταν μία σωτήρια λύση τόσο για εμάς τους ίδιους, καθώς ο θυμός μας επιβαρύνει ψυχικά, όσο και για τους γύρω μας.

“Ο καθένας μπορεί να θυμώσει -αυτό είναι εύκολο. Αλλά το να θυμώσει κανείς με το σωστό άτομο, στο σωστό βαθμό και στη σωστή στιγμή, για τη σωστή αιτία και με τον σωστό τρόπο -αυτό δεν είναι εύκολο.” (Αριστοτέλης, Ηθικά Νικομάχεια, Η πρόκληση του Αριστοτέλη)

*Άφησε λίγο χρόνο και επικοινώνησε με προσωπικό μήνυμα για το αν σε βοήθησε στον αυτο-έλεγχό σου αυτό το άρθρο.

Αλεξία Σταθάκη